When my oldest was around 5 years old we signed him up for town soccer. He wasn’t great, but he wasn’t awful either. He seemed to like the other kids, and it was fun to hang with the other parents on the sideline. During his third-grade season, I sat watching him from the sidelines. He wasn’t paying attention to the game at all, instead, he was watching the planes fly by in the blue sky above him. On the car ride home, he excitedly told us about a flight pattern that he’d been noticing week after week. I turned around to him from the front seat of the car, and said, “Nate, did you know that it’s your choice whether you want to play soccer or not? Dad and I are okay with you playing soccer and we are okay with not playing soccer. You get to choose.”
He ended the season and decided not to sign up again in the spring. Today he’s seventeen and is pursuing a career in professional flight. Pay attention to what your kids are interested in.. sometimes it pays off.
What would it feel like to reserve time for the playground instead of the lessons? What would it feel like to let them play with Lego airplanes or paint and draw instead of heading to the piano lessons they dread? What would the result be if we worried less about kids being at the top of the class and more about teaching our kids to value time to play and rest? Where might it lead them?
In our fast-paced world, adults grapple with burnout in every aspect of life. We pour billions into the wellness industry each year, desperately seeking mindfulness, relaxation, and stress relief. Yet the solution may be simpler than we think. While grown-ups chase the elusive dream of feeling grounded, children instinctively know the secret: time for play. Time to pursue their interests, move their bodies, and learn about themselves and the world around them.
Let’s talk about overscheduling our kids. But, before I dive into this topic, I want to be sensitive to the fact that different families have varying childcare needs, and many parents need childcare while they work. Some families don’t have access to safe green space for their children to play and they use after-school activities as a way to keep their children out of harm’s way.I want to be clear that the following ideas are meant to empower parents, not to shame anyone for their choices. This is a safe space for ALL parents and caregivers.
Share The Workspace for Children
When my kids were small, I was a SAHM, so I didn’t rely on after-school activities as a form of childcare. Now, as a working mom, I do. I am so grateful to our local JCC where my youngest attends aftercare a few days per week.
Overscheduled kids? 5 Must Ask Questions Before Signing Up For Fall Activities:
When my kids were small, I made a deliberate choice to protect their unscheduled downtime. While I saw the value in exposing them to different activities and lessons, I also wanted them to have time to relax, play around the neighborhood, and enjoy plenty of unstructured time. I wanted to strike a balance between organized activities and free time for just being kids. Leaving afternoons open was my goal. During the school day, they're told when to sit, where to walk, and how to learn. It's structured down to the minute. At home, I felt that my job was to provide the balance. They loved the open-ended, wandering, play-with-whomever-turns-up, creative, child-led-downtime. It was within that space that they learned to listen to their internal rhythms and figured out how to be. It also made our family life simpler, easier, and less expensive.
With Fall approaching and sign-ups looming, I want to support families to make informed choices about how many and which activities to choose for their kids.
5 questions to ask your child before signing up for activities:
“What's your favorite part of [activity]? Take a moment to really think about it."
"Imagine it's [activity] day. How does your tummy feel when you wake up? Excited butterflies or nervous knots?"
"If you could choose between [activity] and [activity], which would make you smile more? It's okay to be honest."
"When you're doing [activity], do you feel relaxed, or do you wish you were doing something else?"
"Let's pretend there's no [activity] next week. Would you feel sad, relieved, or wouldn't mind either way? There's no right answer."
5 questions to ask yourself
"How does our current mix of structured activities and free time align with our family's values and needs?”
"In what ways do our chosen activities support my child's growth and interests? Are there any we could add or remove to better serve these goals?"
"How well does our schedule accommodate both the need for enrichment and the need for downtime? For working parents, how can we creatively carve out quality family time within our schedules?”
"For my child, what kind of environment helps them thrive? Do they need more structure or more free play? How can we fit that into a way that works for all of us?
When I look at our family calendar, does it reflect a sustainable rhythm for all of us? Are there ways we can adjust to better support everyone's needs - including parent self-care?"
Remember, the goal isn't to eliminate all structured activities or to pack every moment with lessons. It's about finding the right balance for your unique family. For some, that might mean embracing a full schedule of activities that also provide child care. For others, it could mean fiercely protecting unscheduled time.
Working parents might need to rely more on structured after-school programs, but can still prioritize pockets of free time on weekends. Families with neurodivergent children might find that certain structured activities provide essential support and routine, while still ensuring some flexibility for decompression.
Check-in with yourself and your child. Are your choices serving your family's current needs? Are they sustainable? Are they bringing more joy than stress?
There's no perfect formula, only the one that works best for your family right now. And that formula might change as your children grow, as work situations shift, or as new opportunities arise.
So whether your afternoons are filled with sports practice, music lessons, therapeutic activities, or unstructured play - or a mix of all of these - what matters most is that your choices align with your family's values, support your child's development, and contribute to a mostly balanced family life.
Back to Nate: He never did play soccer again and he also stopped playing baseball in fifth grade when it became more competitive and it wasn’t fun anymore. Instead, he tinkered with bikes in our garage, read books about flying, and built an intricate Lego airport that took over his entire room over the course of 2 years. Now, at 17, he works at our local bike shop. He is pursuing his private pilot license and will take his final check ride next week! As for team sports, he found a love for running and is now a three season track and XC captain. Yes, I am bragging because I am so damn proud of this kid, but I am also sharing this because I want to empower you to trust your child and follow their lead when it comes to extracurriculars.
Loading...
